Monday, 11 June 2007

The Squeaking Tree

A month in Bengaluru(!!) and I'm learning lessons. And some were taught to me as well. I would love to share them... (for the benefit of the larger masses that is). Any resemblance to instances in real life is purely intentional.

Lesson no. 1: Hamare dhande main na bandook chalti hai, na bomb, na chaaku...chalta hai to sirf ek cheez....dimaag (If that sounds familiar, it plainly means that I'm already on the road to fame....ha ha... no master..I am just bluffing). The lesser known ones are...

* Unity is strength. If you want to cross an overtly busy road, be sure you are a part of a bunch and not alone. Road kills are a common occurence but serial killings are relatively uncommon on roads.
* Skywalks are beautiful pieces of civil engineering. Hey, why do they build them... any guesses??
* BMTC busses are like troubles. They are either non-existent or there's an entire barrage of them.
* Theory of Lativity. By the manifestation of a largely unknown force of nature, your daily bus is late on days that you are on time. And on few of those rare occasions that you are late, the bus is punctual to the second.
* A boarding/alighting point is a stretch where the doors are possibly open and bus slows down.[The definition of 'slow' is subject to individual ability]

* If you don't have cash to buy your ticket, you can still confidently just say 'PASS' and the conductor will move away. Its a cheat code of sorts..[Caution: Functionality and Interface tests still pending]
* Anything vertical at a deserted location is THE place to relieve yourself of all the internal (osmotic) stresses. [Though I am mentioning this on a lighter note, I am in reality disgusted by the plight of the city brought about by these denizens who lack even the slightest civic sense. Its really painful when they choose to NOT use the 'Pay and Use' facilities provided by the municipality... just to save a rupee or two. Even tiles bearing pictures of gods and sentences carrying expletives seem to have no bearing on them.]
* Busy Bangalorians (or is that Bengalurians?) need not necessarily answer just one 'call' at a time.

And there are some office fundae too..
* Come at any time and leave at any time. Just make sure that your work is completed by the end of the week.
* Listen to anything, Chat with anyone, Browse for anything(if it is not blocked, that is). Just make sure that your work is completed by the end of the week.
* Lunch Break: 12:30 to 1:30 only means that you can have lunch anytime in that allotted slot and soon after that, you come back to your desk. It should not be misread as 'You are free from 12:30 to 1:30. Have lunch, chill out for 1 hour'.
* If writing your weekly report is nothing more than replacing 'Plans' from the previous week's report with 'Accomplishments', you are a demigod from Utopia.
* Lesser mortals can settle down for the following..
# ifndef Plan "Tasks to be completed"
# define Plan "I earnestly wish in heart and soul that"
# endif
* If a water vending machine has two differently coloured taps, with a flashy message containing fine print near one of them, DO READ IT. It usually says 'Hot water. Handle with precaution'. I happened to read it a mouthful of water too late. [I'm sure whoever said 'Education is what you get when you read the fine print. Experience is what comes when you choose to ignore it' belongs to the latter.]

The bottom line is pretty simple. When in Bengaluru, do as Bengalurians do(yeah, I've made up my mind...its Bengalurians).


Amrita said...

:D LOL.. Guess the scene is pretty similar in most cities which hav been touched by "it"..
Hyderabad i would say is a place where i find the govt doing pretty much.. but ppl falling short in knowing thr duties...
The local trains dont seem to b 3 yrs old cos they are pretty well kept.. but u shd see the way ppl abuse it by displayin thr calligraphy on the seats. and the pushin and shoving tht goes in inspite of the trains waiting a gud 40 secs...its pathetic...
but yea.. i concur... whn in rome do as romans do.. no pt forming a league of ur own...

ambika said...

enjoyd ur post.
every time u come up with something new.

Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais

fragmented fragrance.. said...

well the scene is pretty much the same in mumbai..!! there r statutory warnings to not stand at the focal area where u r likely to b the recepient of the red sticky stinky chewy paan splash on ur stark starched white ironed shirt...the circumference is god save u..!! incase u revolt with the respectful fowl language (pple dnt understand the existence of the morally right n dignified language) to question the injustice of the act committed....u shall get a nonchalant unperturbed response of " surf excel haina...!! "